Extracts from Elif Shafak's The Forty Rules of Love

Intellect and love are made of different materials - intellect ties people in knots and risks nothing, but love dissolves all tangles and risks everything. Intellect is always cautious and advises,'Beware, too much ecstasy,' whereas love says 'Oh, never mind! Take the plunge!' Intellect does not easily break down, whereas love can effortlessly reduce itself to a rubble. But treasures are hidden among ruins. A broken heart hides treasures.

While everyone in the world strives to get somewhere and become someone, only to leave it all behind after death, you aim for the supreme stage of nothingness. Live this life as light and as empty as the number zero. We are no different from a pot. It is not the decorations outside but the emptiness inside that holds us straight. Just like that, it is not what we aspire to achieve but the consciousness of nothingness that keeps us going.

The quest for love changes us. There is no seeker among those who search for love who has not matured on the way. The moment you start looking for love, you start to change within and without.

Try not to resist the changes that come your way. Instead let life live through you. And do not worry that your life is turing upside down. How do you know that the side you are used to is better than the one to come?

If you want to change the way others treat you, you should first change the way you treat yourself. Unless you learn to love yourself, fully and sincerely, there is no way you can be loved. Once you achieve that stage, however, be thankful for every thorn that others might throw at you. It is a sign that you will soon be showered in roses.

Hell is in the here and now. So is heaven. Quit worrying about hell or dreaming about heaven, as they are both present inside this very moment. Every time we fall in love, we ascend to heaven. Every time we hate, envy , or fight someone, we tumble straight into the fires of hell.

The past is an interpretation. The future is an illusion. The world does not move through time as if it were a straight line, preoceeding from the past to the future. Instead time moves through and within us, in endless spirals. Eternity does not mean infinite time, but simply timelessness. If you want to experience eternal illumination, put the past and the future out of your mind, and remain within the present moment.

***

Two men were travelling from one town to another. They came to a stream that had risen due to heavy rainfall. Just when they were about to cross the water, they noticed a toung, beautiful woman, standing there all alone, in need of help. One of the men immediately went to her side. He picked the woman up and carried her in his arms across the stream. Then he dropped her there, waved goodbye, and the two men went their way.
During the rest of the trip, the second traveller was unusually silent and sullen, not responding to his friend's questions. After several hours of sulking, unable to keep silent anymore, he said, "Why dd you touch that woman? She could have seduced you! Men and women cannot come into contact like that!"
The first man responded calmly, "My friend, I carried the woman across the stream, and that is where I left her. It is you who have been carrying her ever since."

***

One day a man came running to a Sufi and said, panting, "Hey, they are carrying trays, look over there!"
The Sufi answered calmly, "What is it to us? Is it any of my business?"
"But they are taking the trays to your house!" the man exclaimed.
"Then is it any of your business?" the Sufi said.
(Unfortunately, people always watch the trays of others. Instead of minding their own business, they pass judgment on other people).