What do you mean? Day 2

“we call this a prism, not a mirror”
“have it your way. Stop the comments and start looking into it.”
“go away”
“not possible, you called me, remember”
“yes, now, don’t shout, go away. Feels like my head will explode”
“good that’s just what I want. A very good state to be in”
“NONONO. The noise is too loud. I can’t take it anymore”
Silence. IT went away. Silence. Phew!
And then I looked. Into the prism. I thought I saw IT there, again, was that a smirk. But no, now, there’s too much to see, so much that I cannot hear anymore.
Too many prisms right inside.
“just this program, please teach me…I promise we can do English together.” We are seated in the terrace of the computer institute. He has the most tired look. Really, we have been sitting there nearly 8 hours, but I don’t seem to be making any progress. But he doesn’t say anything. Doesn’t go. Begins all over again.’ And I think as I see the prism, “really, did I want to not learn so that he would stay and not go away?”
Uncle with his glasses. His fat stomach. The same black belt. Chasing her along the corridors of the big old house. Is this running and catching? But somehow feels different. Not the same. Not right. She knows something is wrong. where are her friends today? What sort of game is this? She runs and runs, up the stairs and behind the door to the terrace…this place is a good hideout for hide and seek, one who hides here never gets found out. But uncle is right there. Shit, what is he doing?
I dropped the prism. It didn’t break. Only became more fragmented inside. But I know, once I begin to look, suddenly that surface will focus itself and blur the rest. Just like the noise inside my head which now singles out a strand. And keeps at it, all along, never ceasing.
I lift the prism, the mirror. And can’t help but look. Fuck, not this!!
TO BE CONTINUED

What do you mean?

“you know what, this is all wrong. It was never meant to be this way.”
‘what do you mean?”
“I shouldn’t have ended up here at all.”
“who says this is the end?”
“I do, because I can see where it all began. “
“that doesn’t mean you know where you would have ended.”
“what do you mean?”
“you got lost, your inner geographic sense is as screwed up as it was as it was in the beginning.”
“wait, wait, if you agree I do have an inner sense, wouldn’t that guide me...where does geography and NEWS come in here?”
“you really don’t get it, do you?”
"what do you mean?”
“i hope you do see you are using that way too much. What did you do when she was telling you all this?
“she?what do…?”
“now don’t tell me you don’t remember. All along she was there, at every right and left you took…”
“you mean holding my hand??”
“no no, by herself, and you made sure that for every left she took, you took a right.”
“of course. Why would I follow SOMEone?”
“yeah, right. Which is why I said your inner geography is screwed.”
“so now you telling me she was the map?
“finally, you seem to be getting somewhere.”
“Really, WHAT do you mean?”
“that you will soon figure out for yourself.”
“if you remember, I am in the i-do-not-like-this-end state. What’s this drivel about SHE?
“happy new year. Here’s my gift for you. A mirror. Let’s begin….”
TO BE CONTINUED…