Thirty Four

The time when your eyes only directly look at the waistline of women first and then go upward to scan the face
The time when you think you are too good for the place where you work for, that you deserve much better and are very clear about this, only that the dozen odd places you have applied for don’t seem to think so
The time when you want to make-up to those whom you have been harsh on or ignored, basically ‘trying’ to undo what you have been until now, when it comes to social skills
The time when you have had the mother of all break-ups with this fascinating world of ‘books’ and are waiting for the rebound book to land into your hands
The time when you keep attributing to all your mood swings not to PMS, but to MLC – Mid Life Crisis
The time when you think all your friends who have two kids have entered auntydom, but you, you are not yet there, baby you’ll never get there, stay girl!Aunties are boring, and quite large in number, work on population control here
The time when you keep telling yourself that ‘f’ and ‘t’ of social networking are either for the teens and twenties, or for those who love their lappy and the net, while also wondering what’s stopping you from embracing these new technologies
When the true art of living is more art of juggling and art of living-off-the-edge of insanity and tugging hard to stay sane. Definitely an art.
The time when your idea of a party is not more than 4 people, talking about the places they yet want to see, the movies they just have to watch, the bosses they just want to strangle, and the jargons they just want to throw around, the new venture that they would just begin any time, just put it on hold cos of recession the big picture, and wallet, the small picture
The time when the heart beats too fast merely looking at the calendar and the pace with which it has moved, that too, without recording any moments of yours, and so, there goes those moments of glory that could have been, if only..
The time when friends decide to get in touch only to show you their Colgate family album and the suraksha chakkar they think they are living in


Also...

The time when you realize that the best moments are the most insignificant ones spent sitting on a mat teaching your kids to paint, more fun with paint all over except the book
The time when you conclude a weekend is good if you just decide to chill out and achieve nothing, go with no real plan to get things done
The time when you are taken aback at how much more you learn about yourself through something your kids do, sometimes they shock you, sometimes they make you pat yourself on the back that you were not so bad after all
The time when it hits you that for all the independence you crave, you cannot define yourself without this guy and the kids in your life, well, make that almost
The time you know you’ll look back upon and perhaps call the best of times despite all it brings along with it – the formula is to ‘just be’ rather than ‘wanting to be’

Jaipur

Got back from Jaipur this morning. Jaipur! Fell in love with the city instantly. It’s like coming home to a warm place where a grandpa lives, the kind of grandpas that you want to keep going to for a nice hug, and whose presence makes the house lived in, now, grandpa lives in this home that has all modern amenities well kept up with the times, and in a home where there’s such a grandpa, his goodness rubs off on at least a good handful of people living in the home – that’s Jaipur for you. At least for me.
Saw a bit of the City Palace – the not-to-miss section is the Armours & Knives Section, man something! To even life some of them, seems like you need team work!! And the knives, razor-sharp, sparkling silver shine, you keep staring at it long enough, and imagine that one of those warriors is out there with it right now, ouch, it pierces! One other thing that fascinated me was the ‘chaugar’ (polo), apparently a popular sport then. Seems Akbar used to play chaugar very well and even at night! In order that the ball be seen at night, he had invented a mechanism by which a small candle burns inside the metal ball. The candle is juxtaposed such that with gravitation, although the ball may rotate and bounce, the candle will be firm. And so that the candle should burn for longer also, I forget what it is, a particular substance / chemical used to light up the candle that could burn for hours on end!!
Went to Hawa Mahal – superb piece of work! Simple, yet classy. The umpteen small wooden windows offer a great view of the city, the same windows through which the purdah clad women would witness social proceedings back then!
Founded in 1799, the city was washed pink to welcome Prince Albert who paid a visit in 1820s. I hear that it is one of the earliest well-planned cities in India. The Old Jaipur retains its pink charm and surrounded around the Hawa Mahal are shops and shops and shops.. close to 250 shops on each side, all neatly numbered and written. Offering a view of the mountainside on 3 sides, and far beyond the fort walls, the city is a living organism where bazars galore, selling jewellery, blue pottery, vibrant coloured clothes, bandhinis and razais – the city is a perfect destination for our next holiday!

Home furnishing - Part 1

Living room décor:

- 1 Futon (essentials)
- 1 bean bag (essentials)
- 1 more bean bag – triple bean bag (lap of luxury, no, bean of luxury)

Ever since the bean bags arrived home, which, to be precise was a week back, life has changed. K and me will live on it, either watching TV, or working on the laptop, or just doing nothing except eat Cashew chikkis and drink Tropicana!
Siddharth drags it around the whole house everyday like it’s a dog he has to walk, and will try his very best to let the bag into the kitchen, but he will not be able to, the door’s too narrow!:). When he is not dragging the bean bag or riding the cycle, the cycle being the other major attraction/distraction, he tries to climb over the bean bag when it’s in the vertical position and tries to jump on the other side. If he needs assistance, he calls his sister, who is ever too glad to help in matters like these!!
Nandita’s books, maybe crayons and the pencil also occasionally will rest there waiting for her.

Poor futon, the monopoly has been crushed. Nevertheless, the mattress serves as the bed for S and papa to sleep, so we are good.!

Sub Sandwich!!!

Today we had a farewell lunch where people shared their best memories of a colleague.. how those days were the good old days! What a mistake, the good old days is made very much in the now, and the nows tomorrow seem precious and great – what’s happening today and now is the same thing that did years ago…the same coffees, the same lunches, the same arguments, the same window-shopping.. everything’s changed in the sense the acts are the same, even today, but while you were growing so did your dependencies and people around which were taking on different shapes…. How different is the now from the yesterday? It’s the same paper, the same stuff, again the same highs and lows of a relationship, a promotion, a day when the kids are darlings, a day when they aren’t really so, can go on and on. Point is, why then can’t we just live the now and be aware that this is a memory we are sculpting – again, am sure today and now even if we did not have enough money to make us feel comfortable and it seemed like you would want to actually punch the person’s nose who came and told you live the now.. still, I bet, years from now, you would think back and say those good old days when I was penniless, but still was happy…. See, we all know perfectly well what happiness Was, but not Is, only cos it just was there, but totally neglected as we were busy conjuring up those happy moments of the past and failing to pause and live the now. You are better off today in a sense than you would be tomorrow. Tomorrow you would be better off in a different sense than you were yesterday, but also at the same time worse off in a different sense again. So, today’s the Sub sandwich!! Ultimately, just like energy can only be transformed and the whole energy in the world will always remain constant, so also the equation will always end up getting balanced like those in inorganic chemistry.. which btw, was a subject I hated, except for the balancing equation bit!!

What comes after Three?Four!!!!

Not been able to sleep, although I should be feeling dog tired considering I haven’t had the time to sit and been running around, in and out of the kitchen, next door and the bedroom, with 2 adults and the littlest one in the home quite sick with the bitch of all virals, a cousin to the much talked about chicken guniya.. with all its symptoms present bang on,and yes, am also taking tablets for the same cos I too was quite sick yesterday and in no state to do anything, forget moving my fingers on the keyboard.
It has been all in a day’s waste, this 25th may. What are the odds that am sickooooooooo sick, my helper decides to not come, S is also sickooooooooo sick, poor guy, K too ditto, the servant maid too ditto and so unwashed vessels piled up, not to mention the state of the floor, the motor in our building conks off and so there’s no water, and me, I need more water considering my coloured water days !!!
26th is even better.. I sat reeling under shock for a full 10 minutes after I woke up and confirmed my lurking fear since the last two days that my helper Sarla has quit for good. Why? Cos madam has spent a few hours meeting up with her bf under the pretext of coming over to work at my place and ended up coming late to work 2nd half of the day. So they beat her black and blue, despite knowing about the boy and having agreed to get her married to him, her supreme aunt intervenes and decides that she need not work any more and her brothers would support her and that in a span of 3 months get her married to the very same guy. In a way am happy for her, but no, not when I was reeling in shock.
Of course, after feeling quite sorry for myself for a few minutes, I decided my life cannot stop running cos of one Sarla and managed to call up an agency and arrange for someone to be sent from tomorrow, let’s see.
I ended up going to the pediatrician with the kids for a second check up but must admit it was more for me to just talk. That 15 minute conversation with another human being not connected to me, but yet aware made a difference at some level, and me being me, I just have to get out of the house at least once in 48 hrs if not 24, else I will surely go mad.
So the last few days, I have been telling myself at least once every hour that ‘I am not sick, I am alright, I cannot afford to fall sick’ and pulling on.. Am thinking, a small viral can shake the household, what about those people battling so much more out there, all the angry ballerinas out there, your anger and frustration is much justified. All of this is temporary though and will pass, and with ‘care-a-damn’ and the dammit! spirit, and for once, thankfully a lousy memory I possess, all this will soon be forgotten.
I have to say this, when Sarla came over in the evening for ‘closure’, I realized that in an od way am going to miss her and so the people who come into your life in one way or the other and just go away like that, take a part f you too, I suppose. But even then, why am I not losing wt so quickly is the unanswered Q!!!!

Nailed-the-ass moments +deja vu epiphany cross

- No one can ever understand me; do I want them to or do I so visibly hide that which needs to be visible?
- Responsibility is a term for ‘future tense’, it’s never applicable in the present...
- Knowing it all and analysing it all takes away the magic.. but knowing where analysis needs to begin and the magic to end is the big fundamental Q
- Between wanting people and what they have to offer is the compelling need to be left alone
- From 18 onwards there is no drastic change in my life, just increments.... no quantum leap, just small ones
- The truth in the lines of ‘yesterday when I was young’
- ‘You-are-your best friend and worst enemy’ lines
- The knowing of how long a passion will last so that it doesn't hurt the others involved who are damn passionate
- How the relationship with a brother has become so knotted over the years that one can’t understand the knot
- The growing dread that am becoming more like my father and hate it every instant and the vulnerability of it all
- Of the company in being alone and the comfort derived from it
- Really trying to comprehend how I could forget to go collect N’s school books and stuff, considering moms on the other extreme who buy two pairs of text books so that they can teach their kids at home too since one copy would anyways be in the school...???/
- Not read a single book of fiction since jan 1 2009, I don’t know, suddenly makes me feel so damn old and not-at-all good;a shit can’t be me right in my right mind?
- Of how sobreity has its boundaries that one can so clearly see and how beautifully short sight comes in and takes that veil away? Oh, where are those damn contact lenses?
- Too lazy to type, these are endless...

The Human Network Effect!!

Cisco’s ads are up and they are pretty powerful too! ‘The Human Network effect’ is the tagline. Please remember this, will come back to it later.
Last week, was trying to get in touch with the Facilities Manager or Admin manager of Cisco. And similar to the experience I had with companies earlier, these first calls usually went like this:

Me: Self intro, name, calling from… regarding.. etc., and ‘Can you pls put me on to the Facilities / Admin person pls?
Other person : Hello?
Me:.. repeat intro.. conversation continues…

My experience when I dialled Cisco office, Divyasree chambers, O’Shaughnessy Road, Bangalore:
Me: same as above…
Operator: Ma’am, I cannot put you through to the Facilities Manager unless you tell me the name of the person
Me: Ma’am, this is my first call….
O: Pls visit our website for getting details of who the FM is. It is not our policy to disclose person’s name.
HANG UP!

I call Cisco office Marathahalli, Bangalore…
Me: Same as above above
O: Same as above..
Me: (had done my search on the website but was unsuccessful, apart from local office addresses, no mention of names).. Ma’am, I cannot find the details on your website
O: I doubt it would be on the website
Me: Maybe I can come over to your office directly and try my luck!
HANG UP!
Yesterday, I had been to the SEZ, Marathahalli for some other meeting and noticed that Cisco office was located right in the very same complex. So decided to walk in, do the intros etc., and get the name of the FM/Admin person.
Me: (intros done).. Can I pls know the name of the person?
Receptionist: Sorry ma’am, without an appointment I cannot let you meet anyone.
Me: But ma’am, unless I know whom to fix an appt with, how can I?
R: (by now she’s beginning to get irritated): Ma’am, you submit your catalog on email directed to WPR_ Admin and they’ll get it. If they are interested and have a need, they will get back to you!
Me: And what if they do not?
R: It means they are not in need.
Me: But ma’am, what guarantee is there that ‘they’ would have received it / seen it etc.?
R: (clearly irritated) : Ma’am, am telling you, in Cisco the rules are like that. Without appointment, you cannot meet anyone.
Me: But ma’am, what’s with your human network effect if you do not let me meet / speak to a human on the other side of the door?
By now, I was getting wild too, but tried my level best to keep my voice low.
I saw someone with the Cisco badge walk in and so I approached him, introduced myself and asked if he could let me know the name of the Admin guy. Unfortunately turned out he was a Wipro employee on a contract assignment. By now, the receptionist calls the Security
R to Security: Security, why do you let people in without proper IDs or appointment?
R to me: ma’am, I have told you clearly what needs to be done. Send an email.
I thanked her and walked out.

And I could not help but think.. IS THIS THE HUMAN NETWORK EFFECT? ARE CISCO EMPLOYEES SO INACCESSIBLE TO THE PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO NEED TO MAKE A FIRST LEVEL CONTACT FOR PURSUING BUSINESS? SO THE FORMULA IS : NO APPOINTMENT, NO ENTRY;AND AGAIN NO DISCLOSURE OF ANY EMPLOYEE NAMES TOO. So, what’s this equation and how does it get solved?

Ok, here’s what I did next. Dropped into Aricent Technologies, another large company located close by. I had now become curious, you see, how these first time interactions were done.
And mind you, Aricent I was doing a complete cold call, had not even contacted them on telephone earlier.
Me to Security : Intro.. same as said earlier
S: (calls a no., then connects me to the receptionist)
But, I think instead of the receptionist, the concerned person came on line, although even here the name was not disclosed.
Voice on other end, after hearing me out: Today we are busy, this is our board no., gives me the no., asks me to call up after Thursday and pls fix an appointment and come over and meet.
Security to me, after I am done on the phone : Ma’am, we cannot disclose name, so pls call up on Thursday… Lekha the receptionist will help you, give you the person’s name and connect you. These two days all are busy with meetings, though they are in the office.

MADE PERFECT SENSE.

It’s really simple yet so difficult and challenging to follow this: As companies grow and communication expands, the more appealing the conversation, the greater memory recall for the common man and somewhere, perceptions are formed that if a company speaks like this about itself, everything and everybody in it will be speaking the same language, or at least attempting to.
And then when it doesn’t happen or some incident happens which proves otherwise, alters the perception completely, right?

Knocked Up!!

Watched ‘Knocked Up’. Though the story is about how the guy deals with the whole ‘knocked up’ situation and through the course of nine months, the two realize they want to go the whole road together, this whole side track of the preg woman’s sister, and her family with two kids just got me thinking. Must be about 10-12 years of married life, this guy sneaks off every Wednesday to a ‘band meet’, the woman suspects he’s having an affair, well, let me tell you, when women suspect, they are convinced, all they want is their theory to be proved. So along with this preg woman and the dad-to-be madam spies on her husband. And when the door opens, what does she find, this guy along with 10 others in the middle of a ‘fantasy baseball meeting’. The woman’s baffled, but mad, mad cos she didn’t see what she was sure she would she and turns out that last Wednesday when he’d said he was going to the band, he went to the movies, alone. This completely pisses her off. Pissed cos she did not do something like this for herself.
And then she decides to take off with her sis one day and just go out there and try to do fit into the ‘youth’ party, is refused an entrée and has to get back home cos past midnight the baby sitter gets mad, you see!!
Our men also take off to Vegas, keep convincing themselves they’re having a great time, miss home all along and head back. The thing in all this is, after this ‘break-free’ attempt, something in the sis’ attitude changes, she’s much nicer to the guy and easier on him and so is he on her. The preg girl keeps seeing how her sis and the BIL argue, thinks that she would never want to live that way... and this guy keeps saying all along, ‘but they’re happy’. That’s it! Just cos of those small endless fights, biting morning sarcasms over why one of them got delayed cos they didn’t get the shower first, over who should clean the potty, over who deserves more sleep cos they worked more…and more such things which are absolutely insignificant, don’t give a damn! You’re happy! ‘Happy’ just takes on different dimensions as you go along, in dating times and early marriage, the ‘happy’ state is much different from the ‘happy’ state you are with hubby and kids, am sure few years from now, with growing kids, it’d be an altogether different state, no idea how that’d be but sure look forward to it, One thing tho’, the happy state definition for today : keep those small fights going, those ‘freedom breaks’ going, cos they keep the happy relationship going!

“I will not learn about fire by thinking about fire, but by burning” – Carla Needleman

I bumped into this line in the book am reading and it just hit me that right now, am operating in the ‘thinking about fire’ mode. Not going to happen, I guess. Have to burn, burn, burn. But then again, that calls for running away from the safety, from the comfort zone. Would this be the thrill and adrenalin of breaking free or the sheer madness of it all I don’t have an answer to… I mean which one would be the longer lasting one, cos am sure first it’s always the adrenalin, why else would it be the adrenalin rush? I don’t know if working out the math and applying all logic is the solution, no, it’s got to be the gut, like all the other crucial decisions I’ve made, of course, after all the logic and math papers have been solved more for the three Rs than anything else. And again as always, the WHAM!! epiphany shall happen soon, pretty sure about that.
And burning apart, on a completely different parallel, am proud to declare that have been born armed with the Masters in Digging-My-Own-Grave course. And while am busy digging, am thinking how anyone could not know that I know that no love is unconditional except that of a mother’s for her kid, which again mind you, is mama speak? And who’s going to tell me to take a break from all the digging, again and who’s going to listen?:)

Seems like the Year just began and the month's over already!!!

Been really long feels like. Suddenly life’s a whirl with so many things to do. 2009 better be better and one to remember. Haven’t read a book this year yet, which is something considering one month has gone by already and am still thinking it’s New Year. For the month, going backwards…
Sid had a not so good day today considering he hit 3 different parts of his head 3 times fore noon, got poked twice with overdue vaccinations, jammed his thumb finger with the car door closed and finger continued to be jammed for an easy 5 seconds by when I thought that’s the end of the thumb and did not know where my heart was with my whole body shaking. For a good hour or so I still could see in my head that thumb finger being jammed! Terrible! And for a good forever, this pic will remain archived. As I always say and know this guy’s a born fighter and seems to have a lot in store. But minutes after the ice pack was kept and all else done, he actually smiled, said goodnight to Srinath and everyone else who asked him to. For him, there’s no pic, yet, no archive yet. Tomorrow, am sure he will do the same antic and try to open and close the car door by himself.
Questions N asked today when we’d been to Kingbell’s place to attend some function…
(Everyone in the room singing some classical number..) Madam goes on at the top of her voice, in Tamil, for the benefit of the purohits present, I think “Archana, don’t you know to sing... why are you not singing?”
30 seconds silence, followed by Q2, “Archana, why is that mama (purohit) wearing an earring?”
Me: Whispering. “cos all purohits do”. Quickly changed the topic.

Watched Before Sunrise, Before Sunset back to back and cut short 10 years.Loved every dialogue and every bit of silence between them. Awaiting the one in 2014...
Also watched Slumdog Millionaire, Nick of Time old movie and a few other not worth mentioning movies too.

Got one of those What If thoughts yesterday...What if people started gifting Lie detectors or installing them at homes, or even started walking around with them if they were available in portables, like a pepper-spray or something. Pepper spray is a form of self defense, what would lie detectors be? Or worse, what would the consequences of having one in a home or an office be... really? Every time you nod your head and tell your boss ‘True’ all along thinking oh how can someone be so stupid, the detector will go on, ‘False’ and beep and will continue to do so until maybe you find your way to the door. Boom time for those psychiatrists, counselors, lawyers, docs, you-name-it. Think today they are the only ones thanking the recession, anyways!!

Looks like some break through in the DIY space, well, for that, we have to wait and watch and do a lot before I start talking about it.

Happy Pongal!!

Pongal is the opener in our houses as far as fooding goes for the rest of the year. It’s the first official celebration of food and the rest of the year is galore with oh so many functions / festivals that will follow, where more food will follow.
But I have always thought that the spirit of Pongal is to be seen and felt only in the villages where people have ploughed and toiled for the morsel we eat in the luxury of the homes. But then, blame it on tradition! We cook pongal in the stainless steel vessel on the hob and am thinking this is all wrong, get the firewood and the pot!!I would have loved to be there and done that!!
Hear this :
My mom to Siddharth : Happy pongal!
S: Happy Mammam!!
Corollary, N : Happy Upma!!

Congrats ! These kids got the funda of our festivals so early in life!!!