Now, don't make me think of a title!!

Heart's not in anything these days, think the soul has gone for a walk in the clouds, and hope these passing clouds will bring my soul back....just not interested in anything, anything. loads of weight to shed and get a dressing down verbal non-verbal almost every day, and I hate the people who love me and want to see the old me in 27W and red tabs and orange tabs...hate it cos if anyone wanted to see me in red tabs it'd be me, damn it, firstly. Am driven to consider surgery as an option cos exercise doesn't seem to be happening, at least not for me, cos there's one step where I am not able to follow the regimen - as in actually DOING the exercises, you see. Then there's driving - to match up to a lazy student I think the Gods have so chosen this entity who doesn't turn up whenever I am ready and vice versa...am standing outside waiting for the beautiful L board to land up - and no one turns up. Again somewhere, am constantly hoping that he doesn't turn up and I don't have to take the class while also furiuosly making my calc as to how to cram 11 classes in 8 days cos Freedom ends Aug 8th. Now am thinking I shouldn't be saying freedom ends - in a way my near found freedom begins Aug 9th when I can rule the roost by non-ruling and just let things be, and not worry about making anything right or getting anything productive done, just pulling the day off without acting on this greatly pressing urge to dial NIMHANS and get myself admitted. Should anyone happen to see N,please tell her that she is a darling, a real sweetheart, only please, if she can let me know that, it'd be real nice - real nice of her and more so, of you, for the enlightenment. They all say 'it's a passing phase', but looks like the phase will go on long after the pronoun vanishes:). Been thinking and really cramming all the time that I've been writing this, and I think there's one thing that I really don't mind doing - blowing up money shopping.. started this successfully a week back and savouring this sweet inclination to let the notes fly and the cards swipe....oh, lest junta start queuing up, am interested in shopping only for myself!!