Timeless Space

Sometimes
I want to cease to perform
To be there always, to do that all the time
To say the seemingly right words
To give strength, hope and courage.

Sometimes
I want to just sit by the window-sill and count the droplets of rain water that hang in there
To watch the clouds move without blinking an eyelid
To watch the kids play, in mutual admiration for each other
To close my eyes and get no thoughts or images.

Sometimes
I want the intimacy that loneliness alone can give me
To carry on the countless conversations between the head and the heart
To laugh so loudly in the silence that engulfs and not be heard
To speak all rot and not be questioned on its meaning.

Sometimes
I want to murder the dark hole in my soul
To let hatred die an instant death
To no longer derive strength from weakness or experience the weakness of strength
To stop solving the puzzle.

Ready to trade all these Sometimes for the Onetime
Where I cease, cease to perform – for intimacy, for murder, for laughter, for strength, for the game
Onetime
When I walk into the white with my arms open
Complete with loathe and love, to loathe and love
For Alltimes
Never know where loathe ends and love begins
The white blinds-
The stillness deafens-
And I walk away into the null and void. The whole.